Bizarre Questions – Part One

I am universally liked by straight men who want to shag me and straight woman who follow my daily life on their phone.  It’s quite unusual that the women that love my posts online are the same women whose husbands could visit me on a regular basis.

About eight years ago, one of my followers asked me if I could be honest with her, she had followed me for about 12 months and she still does today.  She offered to send me her husbands phone number and asked if I would check to see if he was a client as he came to Newcastle regularly on business and she suspected that he had sexual relations with other men.  I refused and she totally respected my decision.  To do so would break my oath of confidence with a client.  I simply can’t do that.

What do clients like to ask ……………… everything

How Many Men – I remember once having a guy ask me (after he had swallowed) how many men I’d had sex with.  I said……… probably over 10,000.  He then had a coronary and asked if I was clean.  Oh yes, I have an HIV text every month or so.  What went in your mouth was as fresh as Zoflora.  I then added …. “I’ve been a sex worker for nearly two decades, how many men did you think I would have had sex with …. one hundred”.

Knock Off – I get asked “What time do you knock off”.  I never knock off.  Do you ring your solicitor during a divorce and say “Could you do my child maintenance when you get home please”.  Yes………….. I never knock off.  Any sexual liaison with me is chargeable.

Discount – I am new …….. “Could I have a discount on my first appointment as that would show willing on your part and I will become regular”.  Become regular and you can discuss a discount with me, many guys have already done so and I always listen to their request. If you are new, you pay full price.

I am Clean – So …. “Can I fuck you bareback”.  You might be clean but do you know if I am (yes I am but that’s not the point).

Female Friend – I get this once a month “I have this female friend and she wants to watch me getting fucked by you, so can I bring her along” – This means – I book a female escort regularly and if I pay her to come to yours can she watch you fuck me. Hmmm …….. It’s always NO and how do I know this ….. the female escort usually texts and asks me about it.

I’ve Never Had Cock – I get the dildos out and he can’t feel the first three.  “Is it in” …………. yes they do say that.

I’ve Never Booked A Gay Escort Before – Oh so that’s why I seen you in 2005 or was that your twin.

I Live Nearby – You Won’t Tell Anyone – No ……… I don’t take a parcel from the postman and say ….. him at 26, can you pop his watch back as you’re passing, he left it when he left in a hurry after spunking all over my duvet.

I Can’t Call You As It’s A Work Phone – Oh ok,  but they’re ok with the texts, I take it.  If you’re a gas engineer and visiting my house, why would my number cause suspicion unless you called it 100 times in 3 days.

My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me – Here’s why ….. Your arse has clingons, you have fag smell on your fingers and why, when you go in the shower can you not pull back your foreskin.  I love Gorgonzola …. just not at 10am.

……… and finally my favourite

Is Your Place Discreet – No ……. there’s this fuck off neon sign in my window saying “Steve’s Open”.  Of course it’s discreet FFS, you are visiting me, it’s you that has to be discreet.  This gets me every time.

My Married Lady Followers – Bizarre Questions to follow in the next post ……………………………………….

 

 

One response to “Bizarre Questions – Part One

  1. Steven Rudder

    *Great post. Your writing style is simultaneously fun, pithy, and captivating. Not easy to pull that off! Will definitely be reading more.

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